*WARNING* This is a long post!!!!

You may want to block out some time to read this!!



About a year ago, after we were done eating at Taco Bell, I stood up and asked Eric if he was ready to leave. I didn't realize that his response to this question that night would than open up a discussion that revealed my selfishness and soon to be God's direction for my vocation. I could tell that Eric had something BIG on his mind. Without even answering my question he went into how he felt that God was speaking to Him about possible mission work. In my mind, I was thinking, OH FUN, he wants to go on a mission trip! How exciting! Little did I know, that this "mission trip" that he was talking about was our life. Meaning, he wasn't talking about going away for a week, or a month. Instead, he was talking about quitting our jobs, leaving our families, and leaving behind the "American Dream" that I was very insistent upon having!

I believe that Eric said something to me along these lines: "Shelly, I really feel like God has been speaking to me about doing mission work. Not just going on mission trips, or helping out with our local church. I mean actually using my talents as an 8-5 job!" (Of course the conversation was a LOT longer than that). Anyway, after Eric said this, I told you my first reaction was excitement! After he explained the fact that he wasn't just talking about a "one time mission trip" and instead a career, my excitement turned to anger. I'm still not sure if I was more angry at Eric or at God. That day, our fun time of sharing and laughing at Taco Bell, quickly turned to me not talking and Eric asking what was wrong. This is when the battle between my selfishness and God's call for my vocation started.

A few weeks went by and I didn't dare say anything else to Eric about missions and he (poor Eric) didn't want to bring up any "mission" talk either. At this same time we started looking for a church. The church that we found just happened to have a month long series on missions. During this month a different missionary would come and speak on Sunday mornings. I remember sitting through those services and constantly telling myself to not act like I was interested. After each service Eric would ask me, "so what did you think of the service today?" I would usually reply, "oh, it was good. those missionaries seemed really cool. so where do you want to eat lunch at?" I thought that if I didn't act interested than Eric wouldn't ask me anymore questions.

This worked for about a month. I next remember one of my friends from work asking me to go to a Women's Service with her at her church. At this service the speaker talked about listening to God and trusting that God will talk care of you. I found myself sitting there with tears steadily rolling down my cheeks and God saying, "why won't you trust me?" I ended up talking to my friend that night and sharing with her all of my thoughts and frustrations. On my way home, I started to realize how selfish I was being. I realized that my reasons for not wanting to do mission work were because of the things that I wanted. For example, I know this sounds silly, but I wanted to have the cute 2 story house with the white picket fence and the golden lab running around with our 3 kids chasing it while I was sitting on our wrap around porch reading my book. WOW! This scenario to me, was what life was worth living for. For some reason, I also thought that God owed this to me. I mean this was my dream, and it does say that God will give us the desires of our heart. But what I didn't realize is that those desires were mine, not God's.

God slowly started taking that white picket fence down one board at a time. He slowly revealed to me my selfishness and started to plant in me different desires and dreams. Be careful when you ask God to change something, because He will! During that time I started praying and asking God to remove my desires and fill the hole with His desires.

After my experience at church with my friend, I had another similar experience. This time I was on my way home from work and all the sudden I started BAWLING! I almost had to pull over, because I couldn't see the road! I was embarrassed at first because to passer-byers I looked like a typical woman basketcase! God spoke to me that day in my car. He once again asked me that dreadful question, "why won't you trust me?" Once I got home I didn't dare share that experience with Eric for fear that he would call the mission headquarters and have us on the next plane to Africa! Instead, I kept it inside and tried to forget about it.

During the next two months I wrestled with God on this issue and told Him that I wasn't willing to do that and give up my dreams. This was in November and also the same time that I quit my job to stay home and do foster care. On December 16, 2006, Eric and I decided to go on a little date (I have a previous post from this date). We went to Southern Ohio and had a great time! We ended up watching The Nativity. I thought this was a great movie and I really enjoyed watching it as a reminder of our Saviour's birth. However, something that Mary said to Joseph in this movie started to stir up questions within me. The Story
Joseph and Mary knew that if they stayed in Nazareth, that Mary's baby would be killed by Caesar Augustus. Knowing this, Mary had to make the decision to go with her husband and leave behind her family. I believe her words in the movie were something like this, "Joseph is my husband now and I must go with him and follow him where ever he leads." WOW! Mary was willing to leave behind everything (her family, her friends, her dreams, everything). On the way home that night, I told Eric that I support him and where ever he goes, I will follow.

So after this God really started to speak to me while I was at home "waiting for foster kids". He started to show me my true purpose for being here on earth. He continued to reveal my selfish desires, which happened to be what was stopping me from wanting to do missions.

After much prayer, fasting, talking to our pastor and our families we decided to start the mission process. The first thing that we had to do was fill out an in-depth 8 page application. After that we had to take a few tests and than we were ready to attend the Cross Cultural Orientation. We attended the orientation this weekend and had a series of interviews along with hours of personal testimonies, group activities and informative sessions. On Friday night after our first interview, Eric and I met together and started sharing how we both felt that God confirmed our call to missions.

The rough time line for the rest of the process is as follows:
(keep in mind that this is the shortest path possible, assuming no problems or additional waiting, which is not likely)
We should know within the next few weeks what they thought of us at the orientation weekend. If we get a thumbs-up from them, we will go to Kansas City in November for another in-depth assessment. After that, we will meet with the regional directors (world directors) and interview for positions that they have available that our skill sets match up with. If after an interview, a regional director wants us to come and work on their region, a contract is drawn up for us. We would then go to NTS (in Kansas City) for a semester of 'missiological training' before we headed out to the field. The length of commitment for the field work is 3 years.

Thank you so much for those of you that made it all the way through reading this. I know that it was a VERY VERY LONG POST!! Eric and I are really excited about what God is doing in both of our lives and the direction that He is leading us!