unconditional.love

It's amazing how God teaches us lessons. Right when we think we have some great truth down, He shows us we still need a little work. He takes our pride and slowly starts to brush it off revealing our nakedness and our imperfections.

Yesterday started as a pretty ordinary day for me. I had a lot to do and not much time to do it in. I was quickly rushing around in the morning and headed off to the thrift store to drop off some old clothes and household items (we've been cleaning out all of our stuff, that's another post though).

When I arrived at the thrift store I jumped out of my car and quickly made my way to the front of the building. Before I could make it inside I noticed a man standing by the door. His torn shirt, stained pants, hole filled shoes, and unkept hair disturbed me a little and honestly I went a little faster past him, just because of my own uneasiness. I went in and asked the cashier where I could drop off my bags and she told me to pull my car around to the back. Knowing that I would have to walk past the man outside again I tried to put on my best "act like everything is normal face". As I opened the door his head came up and my head went down. I heard him mumble something about sparing some change for a bus and I slowly turned my head and said sorry and walked away. I only made it about half way to my car when I looked down and saw the word agape written on my wrist. Agape, unconditional love. I wasn't showing this man unconditional love. Soon the verses in Matthew 25 started resonating in my head:

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'

With God reminding me of these words I quickly turned around and started walking back toward the man. Except for one thing was missing... the man. He was gone, in a matter of seconds he was no where to be found! I turned back around and I have never felt such disappointment and heartache. I surely denied God himself of something. I treated Him as if he was nothing. I tried to fight back the tears but they just kept coming. I felt so ashamed.

As I got in my car and drove around to the back of the store I noticed a man walking alongside the road. It was him. I pulled my car over and waited for him to see me. As he walked past my car, I rolled my window down and motioned for him to come over. He saw me and I could see the embarrassment, and shame all over his face. I wonder if he could see the embarrassment and shame on mine? I could tell that he had been rejected before... the way he hung his head and avoided eye contact made it obvious that he had. As he came to my window I got out some money and handed it to him. I told him that I would give it to him but I needed to tell him something first. Those eyes. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that Jesus loved him. He looked away after I only got out about two words. So I said it again. The second time he looked at me and I felt as if I could see straight in his soul. I could feel his pain, disappointment, shame, hopelessness. This time when I told him, he stared straight at me and slowly closed his eyes with a single tear sliding down his dirt stained face. He quickly said thank you and walked away.

I don't know what that man will do with that money. I just know that I had to do it. I'm not advising everyone to give money to homeless people because I am sure that a lot of that money gets spent on bad habits. I'm just advising people to love and allow God to love others through us. I'm also reminding everyone to not turn their nose up at people that may look different then us. I say this not just to others, but mostly to myself. This story would not even exist, if I did not struggle with this very issue of unconditional love. Everyone needs Jesus, whether you have it all or you've lost it all. Everyone.