Update to stumbling block

This week has been a rough one. I shared with you in a previous post that I am deeply struggling with comparison and learning to be content with my own life. While praying this week, I was hoping that I would be justified in my thoughts of "everyone else" has a problem and look at how they brag about their life through social media. Look at how much they need people to validate them through their blogging, instagram pics, or Facebook posts. However....

Ya'll, I was so wrong. 

This was one of the many times that I've tried to cover up being so concerned with other people, that I wasn't looking at my own heart. During small group, I brought the topic up of people using Social Media as their platform for pride. I was floored at the overwhelming response of ladies who also struggled with viewing other peoples lives as so much better than their own. However, I was even more surprised at the thoughts that MOST of the ladies had. Most of my friends saw this as their own inward problem. A problem with them. Them not being content with the person God had made them. Them not being able to be joyful and happy for others in their time of celebration and happiness. Whew.. this stung! This was so me. It's funny, when I started the conversation I was loud and proud, but as the conversation ended I felt humbled and overwhelmingly sad. Sad, because I realized that I cannot be joyful for other people without a smidgen of jealousy coming in. I cannot be joyful for my friends, my family.

Well their is a happy ending to this story. My small group leader suggested that I listen to the sermon from Mark Driscoll on Coveting. I attached a link in case anyone wants to hear it. Folks, I am telling you this sermon was LIFE CHANGING! Mars Hill - Coveting Sermon He said something that sat so heavy on my shoulders. He said, "Coveting often times isn't far away with people we don't know, but close by with people we do know" This is so me! I don't have a problem coveting movie stars, musicians or those I don't know. But you show me someone who is a stay at home mom and I start to freak out. I start looking at their clothes, kids, husband, personality, cooking, house...EVERTHING! Pastor Driscoll referenced this verse and it perfectly describes my struggle.

 1What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.  James 4:1-2

Another thing he said that stung a LOT was "Coveting does not allow us to rejoice with those who rejoice". He gave an example of someone announcing they are pregnant and you, as their friend or family member not being able to rejoice with them because you desire so deeply what they have. My friends that's coveting. It's okay to feel sad, but through our sadness we should still be able to REJOICE in their happiness. I don't ever want to become the person that friends avoid to share their good news with for fear of hurting me or worse my lack of response and happiness with them. 

In my previous blog I wrote, "I need to ask Him to let me catch a glimpse of the picture of His perfect daughter that He sees each time He looks at me. Instead of looking at the way that He created others, I first need to become content with myself."