Our Adoption Story

In the beginning I was excited as I sat on the floor of the bathroom waiting to see if the EPT would give me two lines or one. Two lines meant that you were pregnant, and one meant keep trying maybe next month. Soon these months turned into years and eventually I stopped taking the tests because I couldn't handle the disappointment anymore. It was heartbreaking to wait so anxiously to see if the second line would appear and sometimes I thought I saw it, but I didn't. After trying to get pregnant for 4 years without any success Eric and I finally decided to see an infertility specialist. This brought much heartache yet also confirmation that for this time God did not have it in his plans for us to have biological children. We were told by the specialist that it would cost nearly $25,000 for us to do in-vitro and there was a CHANCE that we could get pregnant. No guarantee. I remember leaving the office crying because I thought my dreams of having a family were over. I had always wanted to be a mom and this was the day that my dreams came unraveled.

After several months of praying and believing that God wouldn't have given us this desire to be parents if he didn't want us to have a child, we finally started the adoption process. This was in July 2010. By September we had all of our paperwork turned in and we were officially waiting! This was a HUGE day! This meant that all our work was done, now we had to trust that our agency was fighting for us and that God had his hand in the situation. A lot of people compare this time to being pregnant. You know you have a baby, but you have to wait months and months before he or she will arrive. 

On January 6th, 2011 we received a call from our agency saying that we had been picked by a birth mother and she was giving birth to a baby boy THAT NIGHT! The agency told us to go ahead and pack our bags and get a few things for the baby and prepare to come to South Carolina in the morning. Eric and I were so excited! We could barely move. We just stood there in the office of our house hugging and crying because we couldn't believe it had finally happened. We called our family and a few friends and told them the great news, we raced off to the store and bought a few baby items and a new video camera to take with us. That night we went to sleep with our suitcases, diaper bag and empty car seat sitting by the door. 

In the morning I hadn't heard from the agency so I decided to call. The social worker told us that the mom had given birth that morning and had decided to keep her baby. She said that if anything changed she would call us and let us know. I sunk onto the floor and wept! I was so heartbroken that I didn't have it in me to even call our family and friends so I just sent them a text saying the birth mom changed her mind, please pray for us. 

The following months were very difficult. Friends kept announcing they were pregnant, there were tons of baby showers. It was a constant reminder that I still didn't have what my heart so desired. 

In August I had had enough of the waiting. This is one thing about me, I have a really difficult time sitting still and waiting. In fact, let's just be honest and say that I suck at it. I emailed a friend who worked for an adoption agency and just vented to her all of my frustrations. She immediately replied back and said that I should contact Christian Adoption Services also known as CAS(a different agency then we were currently working with). I knew the rules about switching agencies and knew that if we did decide to switch we would most likely loose thousands of dollars. However, something inside me told me to make the call. So that day (told you I don't like to wait) I called CAS and explained to them our adoption situation and what we were open to. They said they would talk things over and get back with me. 

I didn't hear back for several days so on August 11th I called them (now you see my impatience). I ended up speaking to the director who told me about a little girl who had been born at 26 weeks and was currently in the NICU. She asked if this was something we would be interested in and I told her yes. On August 13th the director drove 2 1/2 hours to talk Face to Face with Eric and I about the little girl.  She told us that she was healthy but very tiny. She told us a few agency rules and lastly we asked her about the cost of the adoption. Remember we knew that by switching agencies we would loose thousands of dollars...$7,000 to be exact. When we asked her the cost of the adoption she gave us the exact number that we were expecting to pay but decided to take off $7,000 without even knowing that we were loosing that exact amount from the other agency. Let's just say that when she told us that number, there were tears everywhere. We knew at that moment that God had his hand in this situation and that this tiny little girl was our daughter.

On August 17th we got to meet our sweet Marlee for the first time. It was the best day of my life. I was so overwhelmed by God's goodness to me. I felt so undeserving to be this little girls mama. Marlee Joy was born August 4, 2011. She weighed 2 lbs 1 ounce. Here is a picture of the first time we laid eyes on her. 

Our sweet daughter is two years old now and we still feel just as blessed and undeserving as the day we met her in the NICU. She is truly our sweet little miracle and such a great example of how God cares about the desires of our hearts and wants to give us good things.

Fasting...

I was recently introduced to The Village Church  through my small group leader. I'm not super familiar with their church but I heard their Welcome Pastor preach on Gluttony. My thoughts (I guess I don't need to say this, because it is MY blog) are that the church doesn't focus enough attention on this issue. If you are at all interested in listening to this sermon follow this link. Defining Gluttony. It's actually a two part series. I highly recommend it!

Anyway, gluttony isn't really what's on my mind today. Fasting is. The verse that the speaker, Paul Matthies mentioned in his sermon was Matthew 6:17 "But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face" Notice the word here. When....not if, but when. When we fast! Ya'll (this is what we say in the south) can I just be honest. I have not been doing this. In fact the few times I have fasted, I've always treated it as a way to getting something, not at all as a time to show my reliance on Christ.

Since we are in this waiting time with our second adoption, I've started to feel this panicky feeling of what else can I do while I'm waiting. Anyone who's been through adoption, knows this feeling. All the paperwork is turned in, the agency is selected, you've told your family and friends and now you just sit and wait for that call or email. I remember this exact feeling with our first adoption. So what do I do during this time? Well, honestly I've filled my time with running, painting, spending time with friends, serving my neighbors, playing with Marlee, catching up on my favorite shows. All of this is fine and a great way to help the time go by. However I've realized that God wants me to be an active part of this waiting time specifically through fasting.

 Throughout the day I pray asking God to bless our situation and arrange the details of our next adoption. But once I've prayed then I check it off my list telling myself, "well I've done my part, the rest is up to God". This couldn't be further from the truth. My part is not over. I need to be down on my knees praying and fasting, proving to God (and myself) that I do indeed trust God and need Him.

I had a friend ask recently how she could support her friend who is also going through an adoption. Honestly, I didn't even mention fasting. With God's gentle reminder through this sermon,  fasting is the number one thing I would recommend. Set aside time where you can go without food, friends, tv, your phone, all the busyness and focus on God. Rely on God to fulfill you during this waiting time. Allow Him to transform you by showing you how much we do actually need to rely on Him. Adoption is a long, long journey and it becomes so much easier when we can show our reliance on Jesus. In fact, it allows you to be able to breath when the phone rings or you get a new email. It takes great trust in someone to allow them to work out the big and small details of adding someone to your family. Praise God this isn't solely up to us. We would be totally messed up, or at least I know I would.

April 13, 2014

 One of my personal goals for a long time now has been to run a half marathon. Today I officially made the commitment and signed up for the Rock-N-Roll Half Marathon! I was so shocked that I was actually committing to this so I decided to document my facial expression once I hit the submit button! So for your viewing pleasure...

*Please disregard the random washing machine and junk everywhere.. we just moved.. don't judge!

July 31st I realized that I had sat for way too long wishing I could be that person who learned to love running so I jumped up off the couch and started out walking walking. The next day, to my AMAZEMENT I ran, okay it was more of a hobble/jog 3.85 miles! I've never done that before! This gave me the confidence though to continue on. I found a program called GIPIS on my phone and downloaded it. This is what I've been using so far. I really like it. It has you doing something different everyday to build up your strength and endurance. It's so much better then the hundreds of other ways I've tried to "start running". 

I'm not going to lie, this has been really difficult. I am not a natural born runner. I also am not great at staying committed to things such as this. However, I must say I have actually started enjoying it. I hope that I can become an encouragement to others to START. You will be so happy that you did! :) 

Happy Thursday everyone. My little family is planning on enjoying some free music and a picnic tonight. :)