Rowan Ryan

I have been slightly consumed with our newest addition, Rowan Ryan that I haven't had a chance to post anything for a while. I promise to start back up once we get a few days with our new little one under our belt. :)

For your viewing pleasure. :) 

I've got Jesus

So about 6-9 months or so ago Jesus and I had one of those make it or break it moments. I remember sitting in the back of church and looking out over the sea of people and thinking, "I have done this all my life. Come to church, sat through worship, listened to the preacher. Repeat for 30 years.". I mean from the time I was born, no conceived (I'm a preachers kids) I have heard about Jesus... literally ALL.OF. MY. LIFE!

For some reason this particular day I had just had enough. I was sick of church. I was sick of everyone getting dressed up and all of us filling an empty warehouse where we would sing some songs, smile at one another (if we accidentally made eye contact) and than leave and not be changed. I was sick of pretending like we all loved this Man who died for our sins, yet we still had no clue how to tell others about Him. I was sick of having to go through a 5 step plan on how to lead someone to Christ, when in reality, if we truly believed what said we did, we wouldn't need anything.  Just.Plain. Sick.Of.It.All!!!

So I went to this women's conference where Elise Fitzpatrick spoke and the things she said ROCKED my world. She spoke about Grace. Something I had heard growing up in the church, but I guess never fully understood. The way that she talked about her relationship with Jesus seemed so real. Not like mine, which was full of guilt and the feeling like God was always angry or disappointed with me. Or the feeling like at some point in the day I was probably going to spontaneously combust for not doing my devotions or praying.

I realized that I had made God/Jesus into this Big, Angry, Scary guy who cared less about me and in fact took pleasure in seeing me fail. I realized that I had heard the stories about Jesus all my life, but never truthfully believed them.

Now fast forward to today and things are so different. For once in my life I actually wake up in the morning with the desire to spend time with Jesus. It's honestly my favorite part of the whole day (plus it's nap time, which let's just be honest, that in and of itself is awesome). I've made one end of my kitchen table kind of my devotion area. I have pens, sparkly gel pens, post its, a journal, my Bible, and a couple books that I keep there. It's the perfect area that helps keep my mind free from wandering.

Another thing I've realized about myself during this seeking time period, is that when I don't have Jesus, I am a really cynical, overly sarcastic, non compassionate, negative person. I remember back six months ago I would look out among the people who were worshipping in church and I would think, "hm.. I wonder what that person is really like?". In fact, my cynicism even stopped myself from truly worshipping, because I was so worried that people would think I was a hypocrite if they saw me raising my hands. But now, to put it bluntly. I just don't care. I am not a perfect person in any way, but Jesus is way more important and if I can't allow myself to feel comfortable by raising my hands in a worship environment than what would I do if someone ever asked me about Him in another environment.

Anyway, I know this is a lot of different thoughts kind of jumbled up into one big post. Just wanted to share with you what Jesus has been doing in my life. :)

Encouraging friends who have adopted.

The other night I read an article from a popular blogger/speaker talking about how to help your friends after they've adopted. Kind of like a once the baby is home, than what do we do type of thing. I was really exited about this article because I know sometimes people who adopt may not get the same support from family or friends as those who have babies naturally. *Side note: I was SO blessed to have family/friends who POURED out love on us. Seriously. I didn't have to buy diapers until Marlee was about 7 months old. Even doctors who didn't know us were sending us diapers and wipes in the mail because they had heard of our story. Here's a picture of Marlee's first Christmas. Needless to say, you can see that this baby girl is so treasured and loved. :)

Can you see little Mar in the middle of all that?!

So back to the article. An adoption pet peeve of mine is when people create too many rules for those who are only curious about this wonderful thing we call adoption.  I felt like the article gave a list of do's and don'ts for when your friends adopt and it was just too overwhelming. Even overwhelming for me, and I'm the one who has already adopted. I'm not saying that the author didn't have some good points, because she did. I just felt overwhelmed and honestly if it were me, I would feel like I was sitting on pins and needles while talking to friends who have already been through the process. I would be terrified that if I asked a question I would instantly be considered insensitive and SO unaware of children who are in need of a home. 

So here is a real life story for you. :) People are so curious about trans-racial adoptions. The other day in the drive thru at Starbucks this lady with a perky little smile on her face looked at me, than at Mar in the back seat and asked, "Oh, are you babysitting today?" Now, I KNOW this would have sent some of you to jail. You would have grabbed her little black apron and wound her up in it so tight that her head would have popped off. (Not that I was imaging doing that.. gosh that was really detailed) However, we need to extend grace. My motto regarding adoption has always been, "Don't Hate, Educate"! Educate her on adoption. This is your time to shine and tell her a little of your story. Plus, I've come to realize that people who ask such stupid blunt questions usually feel pretty stupid silly as you're explaining to them about the fact that your baby in the backseat is actually YOUR child. Just a natural consequence. 

So anyway, here are just a few tips from silly ole me.. you know, the one whose life motto is, DON'T HATE, EDUCATE!  

**If you are a friend of an adoptive mama or papa. Just ask them how they are doing. I know it may be awkward, but just ask. Tell them you are praying for them than actually do it. We need people standing with us pleading on our behalf. (This was one of the parts mentioned in the article that I couldn't agree with more). 

**If you are the adoptive mama or papa. Please show your friends, family, strangers GRACE. I know there are stupid people out there. But for the most part, they aren't the ones asking you the questions. It's really easy to allow yourself to become offended to the point where anything people say offends you. Don't become this. Trust me. Make sure your friends know that you are open to answering their questions. You are the expert and it's up to you to share with them. This doesn't mean that you have to share with everyone all the nitty gritty of your child's story, because I know some of these things are private. However, I think we could all learn to be a little more honest with people, letting them in to some of these more stingy ouchie kind of events. Learn to laugh. I could have been mad because of the lady at Starbucks, instead I just laughed. Marlee knows that she's mine. So by some lady asking me in the Starbucks line if I'm babysitting, this won't be the first time Marlee has thought about adoption. It won't be the first time she's aware of someone looking at us assuming we aren't related. In fact, my hope is that one day she'll speak up before I get the chance to. Explaining her beautiful story about how she became ours.  :)

2013... you were a good year

Here are a few highlights from the year (these are in no order at all).  2014 has a lot to live up to! I already know it's going to be great!! :) 

Sold a house. Bought a new house. NYC. Dominated high ropes course. GA. Three Personal Training Sessions. Revolution. The beach. Sweet Indiana. Started adoption process again. Marlee turned two. Eric got a promotion. WA. STARBUCKS. New small group. Tried Indian food. Draw Something. Chicago Fire. Started running. New friends. Pool. TURNED 30. Welcomed a new nephew. TN twice in one year. STARBUCKS. Adoption paper work. Home improvements. Lots of dogs barking. New iPhones. Weekly dates with an amazing friend. Lost thirty five pounds. Mar started preschool. Family visited. Dr appts. Ikea. Parenthood. Ticket to Ride.  Mar's ear surgery. Two throat biopsies. Sleigh ride. STARBUCKS. Target. First pair of real running shoes. Charlotte. Office Series Finale.

Ephesians 3:20-21

I read this Monday and felt like I wasn't the only one who may need to hear it. We are all waiting on something and will be until the day we meet our sweet Jesus.

"I am able to do far beyond all you ask or imagine. Come to ME with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask MY spirit to control your mind so that you can think great thoughts of ME. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon ME, to trust ME in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see MY power and glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying  try to view them as setting the scene for MY glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."  Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

God is working on some pretty big things for Eric and I right now. This was a great reminder that I need to come to Him with POSITIVE EXPECTATIONS, knowing that there is no limit to what He can accomplish. It's easy for me to acknowledge that God can accomplish all things, but not actually believe that He can. Does that make sense? I pray that God gives me the faith to believe that HE can accomplish so much more than I can even fathom. 

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Slow down

Tuesday morning started out just like all our other mornings. We all wake up, I get dressed and get Marlee dressed. Than I usually pick up toys or clothes off the floor upstairs before going downstairs. This particular morning we had TONS of stuff all over the place from our recent trip and from Christmas. I was busy running around putting things away and also texting and checking email. I sat down for a few minutes and finished sending a couple texts and Facebook messages. Before I knew it we had been upstairs for almost 2 hours. This is when it happened. Marlee came over to me and started saying "cuddle" "cuddle" "cuddle". This is her code word for I want to jump on your bed! I told her just a minute for the next 30 minutes. Eventually she sat on the floor and just started sobbing. I realized than that from the time she woke up until right than I hadn't even hardly interacted with her. Sure we brushed our teeth together and picked up laundry, but I hadn't even taken the time to get down on her level and hug her.

I always thought as a stay at home mom that I would be able to accomplish so much. All you stay at home moms will laugh at this. I literally thought this is going to be my time when I'll finally feel complete. I'll have my hair done, clothes perfected, make up on, nails painted, legs shaved. It's funny because I haven't shaved my legs in about 2 months. No really. Ask my husband. :)

Today was my reminder that texts, Facebook, laundry, cleaning all of these things are second to time with my sweet girl. It breaks my heart to think of the day that she starts acting like me. Too busy to even stop and give her mama a hug. Maybe if I put in the time with her now, it will take her longer to get to that point.

This was last year. She seems so tiny!!

Tennessee

I'm telling ya, Tennessee is my second home. Every year my family meets in TN and my parents rent a cabin big enough for 8 adults and 6 kids.  Usually it's at least 5 bedrooms and consists of a game room, TVs galore, and at least one hot tub overlooking the BEAUTIFUL mountains. Although it can be crazy having that many people under one room, I love it!

I'm so grateful for parents who have made it their priority to invest in their family. My parents have always encouraged us (my brother, sister and I) to have good relationships with each another. They packed us up hundreds of times as kids to head off to another family vacation. Sure there were times as a teenager that I would have rather spent time with friends, but I am so, so grateful that they didn't allow this to deter them. Now as adults my siblings and our families can't get enough time together. This is why when we're together we stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning talking or laughing.

I hope you all have had a Happy New Year! :)