bliss

bliss (bls)  n. 1. Extreme happiness; ecstasy. 2. The ecstasy of salvation; spiritual joy.

 This has been my feeling for the past month. Despite the hurricane, homelessness, and constant change of plans, I have been able to keep my joy! Eric gave me this quote years ago, while I was going through some tough times in college. "Happiness depends on happenings, but joy depends on Christ". It's so true! I have felt satan constantly trying to steal my joy, and at times he may have gotten my happiness, but I've guarded my joy like it's my job (haven't used that phrase since the 6th grade).  :)

I wanted to give you all a semi brief update on the recent happenings in the Slon household. August 27, 2011, my dear friends Paul and Mariel got married! :) Unfortunately, with everything going on, only Eric was able to go to their wedding. I was so sad to miss their wedding and even proposed the idea of being present via iPad, but Mariel didn't seem to think she could carry the iPad and her bouquet at the same time. :)  So, Eric went home on the 25th and my mom flew in the 26th. On the 27th, the news was reporting Hurricane Irene coming straight at North Carolina and warned everyone to get supplies and hunker down (thank you Tanya Singh for this phrase). Unfortunately, my mom and I didn't take it serious enough, because by the time we got to the store, most necessary supplies were out of stock! So, for my flashlight, I had to buy one that straps to your head! :):)

The next few days were a blur. We were constantly being told different rules about the RMH being shut down and the hospital closing it's doors. Mom and I decided to pack everything up and basically live out of the car. We spent one night in the hospital and fully intended to spend a second, but were fortunate enough to land a couch in the downstairs of the RMH. On August 28th, RMH officially shut down at 8am. Once again, this gave mom and I the sense of being homeless and not knowing what to do or where to go. We didn't want to go back home and be 2 hours away from sweet, fragile Marlee, however this was the only option. My dad and sister were driving in, and would be there around 2am on the 30th. So we packed up once again and kissed little Marlee goodbye.

Dad, Mom, Christy, Max, and Ella all visited for several days. We stayed up WAY too late, laughed WAY too much, and still, didn't get enough time together! On the 31st, we kissed and hugged in the hospital hallway saying our goodbyes. I hate goodbyes, especially in a hospital. I think it's a mental thing, but being in the hospital just makes it seem much sadder.

Later that day, Eric and I finally got accepted back into the RMH and were thankful we didn't have to sleep in our car, like we had the night before(there were no hotel rooms in the area). :) :)

On September 4th, Renae, Chris, Amy and sweet Molly all made the journey down to meet little Marlee. We had a great time spending moments with Marlee during the day and staying up late at night playing Ticket to Ride. :)

On September 5th, Renae, Chris, Amy and Molly were on their way out when we got the great news that Marlee was being moved closer to home at 3:30pm!! We quickly said our goodbyes and I rushed up to the hospital to spend the last few moments with Marlee before she made her big journey closer to home. Luckily, Marlee had no clue what was going on, but mom and dad had stomachs full of fluttery butterflies. We were told that there was no room for either of us to ride in the ambulance with Marlee and we didn't have time to pack up and ride behind the ambulance. So, we had to trust that the ambulance was going to drive in the right direction for the next 2 hours and that they had Marlee's full name MEMORIZED. I think I asked them these questions at least 7 times!

Eric and I saw Marlee off, and of course I cried as I watched my baby girl drive away in what I hope to be her last and only ambulance ride! We rushed back over to the RMH and quickly cleaned and packed up and thanked the staff for providing such an amazing place for us to call home for the last 3 weeks!

That night, Eric and I got to the hospital and Marlee seemed to have made the ride okay. She was somewhat stressed because her vitals were slightly low and she needed oxygen because of the low vitals.

Today, Marlee is doing great! She's off oxygen, taking several bottles a day, follows you when you talk to her, smiles in response to your voice or sometimes having her head rubbed, loves being kangarooed, and is a day closer to coming home to her loving parents and puppy!

I can't think you all enough for your prayers, texts, cards, phone calls and just overall support! I never could have imagined how blessed Eric and I would feel at this very moment! 

Philippians1:3 "I thank my God every time I remember you."

Love,
ESM

Home Away From Home

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update! Things have been kind of busy lately, with Eric going back to work and us trying to work out a schedule so that we can spend the most amount of time with Marlee. Living out of a hotel room and in a hospital is not an easy task. However, we have been so incredibly blessed by The RMH and all the staff there and the hospital staff. Yesterday afternoon the Doctor came by to see Marlee and said that she was doing so well, that she was ready to be moved TODAY! I was in a bit of shock, and obviously not in my right mind, because I told him that we may need to wait to move her until the hurricane is over (next week). Anyway, I am now eating those words and that's why I am up at 7:30am trying to chase down the doctor to tell him that I was not thinking correctly and we want to move NOW! . :)

Updates on Marlee: She got her oxygen out on Wednesday. She is now breathing completely on her own! Praise God! She is starting to suck on a pacifier, really loudly! The nurses can hear her down the hall. She is loving the time Eric and I spend with her everyday (Her vitals continue to improve the more we hold her).

Well, this morning was one of those days where I am just feeling so overwhelmingly blessed! Thinking, how much God must love me to have matched me with this sweet baby girl that I get to call my daughter! Takes my breath away! I'm such in awe of Him, my creator!

8/20/11

Marlee Joy is still doing great! Grammy is here this weekend visiting and Marlee loves it!! She smiled several times yesterday when we or the nurses would talk to her. She is just such a miracle! Grammy and I stayed up late last night making her headbands! Hopefully they will fit her sweet head! :)

Two huge blessing came through yesterday! First, we moved out of the hotel we were in and got accepted into the RMH early!! What a blessing! This place is AMAZING! Never again will I pass by those little containers at the cash registers in McDonalds and not drop money in them! They have such an awesome ministry!The second blessing, we got news from the Social Worker that the insurance approved Marlee to be transferred closer to home! This is huge!! That means we can sleep in our own beds and get Marlee's room ready while we're waiting for her to grow! :) Most of the nurses seemed to think this transfer won't happen for another couple of weeks. Marlee is doing great but she is only 28 weeks old now, and still so tiny.

Grammy is heading back today and taking Milo (our puppy) with her. Since the RMH doesn't accept pets, we couldn't keep her with us. Grammy is such a blessing to all of us..even little Milo!

Marlee had a good day yesterday. She had a few desatts but overall she was good. We got to do official kangaroo care and it was awesome! :) She is so sweet when she's all snuggled in on you! She looks like a little frog! :)

Some things I've noticed Marlee likes: having her hands and fingers by her face (she's trying to suck her thumb), stretching out (but sometimes being tucked in like a frog), and being held (she cries at times when we put her back).

8/18/11

Hey everyone!! I finally have a chance to sit and type more then 2 sentences. :) So Marlee is doing great! They are considering her a "grower and feeder", basically meaning that that she doesn't have any health concerns but she is literally just still feeding and growing :) Right now she is on a little oxygen just to remind her to breath(sometimes she forgets when shes sucking on her pacifier). She also has a feeding tube because she's not learned yet how to suck on a bottle. She is just so sweet!! The doctors keep telling us that all of her vitals have improved since Eric and I have been holding her!! She loves sucking on her fingers!!

Right now we have temporarily moved near the hospital. We are on a waiting list for the Ronald McDonald house and will get to stay there once they have a spot for us. The way their program works is, you get to stay there for 30 days at a time and then you have to take 3 days off and reapply. We asked the social worker yesterday if they could transfer her closer and they just told us today that it's a real possibility. She won't be able to do that though for at least a few more weeks because she needs to gain a little more weight. They actually told us that they have never seen a Medicaid transfer go through before... so this is a miracle!!! Please pray that we get to do this and soon!!

Marlees birth parents are comely out of the picture. They sounded like wonderful people that just couldn't afford to take care of a baby. We are so thankful that they choice to give their daughter life!! :)

We are doing really well and just feel so overjoyed!! I can't actually think about it to much because I'll start crying again!! Thank you to everyone who has prayed, cried, and walked through this journey with us!! Your prayers have been answered!!

Love you all,
E,S,&M

My hearts desire

As I sit and write this tears are streaming down my face! I am just so overjoyed and blessed! These past few weeks have been the hardest part of our adoption journey. The waiting was difficult! The unknown was worse. But God knew my hearts desire, and chose to bless us at our weakest point. He really is so faithful, merciful, powerful and loving toward his children.

It's also funny because my sister last week told me that I needed to let go of our adoption because I was holding on too tightly! I was trying to control everything and totally messing up God's plan. I find this ironic because it's completely opposite of my blog title (Learning to be Content). I realized that my faith and trust were lacking big time!

Well, as most of you know, Marlee Joy Slonecker was born August 4th at 12:56am weighing in at a whopping 2lbs1oz 14 inches. Seeing this little girl just gives me chills. One because it's so COLD in the hospital, but two because God created her so perfectly! She is PERFECT! Her tiny tiny body, toes, hair, smile, even her cry! She's a miracle!

I am going to try to keep this blog up and running, but I can't guarantee that I will be able to everyday. I want to say thanks to everyone who has prayer for us, over us and with us. God answered your prayers too!! I love you all, and I am TOTALLY blessed by your support!

Love,
Shelly

News

BIG NEWS COMING SOON!!

I'm feeling the sandpaper today!

Can I just be honest for a minute and say that most days I have to make a conscious effort to not allow myself to be bitter about our adoption. I have to check my attitude DAILY.. even multiple times a day. It's something I'm not proud of at all. I wish that I didn't let changes in plans disrupt my entire day, but I do. This is something that God and I are working on together. It seems like each day He has been slowly ripping a part each layer of pride, bitterness, anxiety, worry, fear and anger. The good thing is, when he rips away one layer he rebuilds that layer with something positive like humility, mercy, unconditional love, faith, blessings, and trust in the only one who won't disappoint!

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who feels like this, but often times I can fall into the poor me attitude and I am quickly slapped head on with someone who is WAY less fortunate than I am. I guess with being a social worker, this is part of the job. I often see people who literally have nothing and don't have ANY hope at all! What a blessing that I get to build a relationship with them and become a small pinch of hope.

I recently ran into a music artist through someone else's blog named Kari Jobe and have grown to LOVE her! I feel like she sings what my heart is dying to say. Here is one of her songs that I love!!

http://youtu.be/UbSMfL5LuSo

The first time I heard this song I just sat at my computer sobbing because I never really felt like God was for me. I guess when you face trials and temptations it's easy to forget that we face these challenges as a way to smooth us out and teach us something. I recently saw a movie that explained trials really well. This is the quote from the movie. I know this is specifically referring to people but I think it can still apply to just rough situation in life.

"When life makes you have to put up with mean and hateful people, just think of them as sandpaper. They may scratch you, rub you the wrong way, but eventually you end up smooth and polished and the sandpaper it's just going to be worn out and ugly."


On a totally different note, here is a great song that I heard in a movie recently. :) Make sure and watch the whole thing for a little bit of T-Bone!! :)
http://youtu.be/O_tRmVngrxM


Sorry for all the links!! I hope you all have a good Monday!

man of god

I've been meaning to write this now for several weeks and just haven't had the opportunity to.

June 3rd was like most of our other Friday nights - Out to eat, movie or movies than bedtime. I know, I know.. we are so predictable. :) That night we headed to bed around 12am and did our devotions together and prayed. A little back story - for the past several weeks Eric and I have been praying every night that God would speak to us or reveal something positive to us regarding our adoption. As you know waiting can be discouraging and we had both been a little discouraged lately from not getting any updates or really hearing anything at all from our agency. So that night we specifically prayed that God would give us something encouraging that day so that we would know that He was still working in our situation. Around 12:30am we both dosed off and were quickly awoken by Eric's phone ringing. Now, most of our friends or family don't call us at that time unless something is wrong or they are playing a prank on us. Eric quickly jumped out of bed (well at least somewhat quick.. i don't really think you can be quick at 1:30am) and someone was calling from a private number. This surprised both of us because he has never received a call from a private number. So he answered the phone and here is how the conversation went:

Eric: Hello?? (really confused)
Private Caller: God is good! (male voice -strong, deep, peaceful voice)
Eric: What??? (at this point Eric was half way laughing)
Private Caller: God is good!
Eric: What? Who is this?? (Eric really thought it was one of our friends/family pranking us)
Private Caller: I am a man of God. God is good!

As you can imagine after he hung up Eric and I pretty much just sat there with our jaw on the ground, neither one of us laughing or saying a word. We were both wide awake at this point TOTALLY confused. The private called never called back. Remember, just one hour before Eric and I had prayed that God would give us a clear message that He was still working on our adoption.

The next day Eric and I both checked with several of our friends and family to find out if they had called us and no one said they had. Another strange thing was that the man's voice on the phone was so calm, deep and strong. He spoke very matter-of-fact and there was no background noise at all. His voice was so loud and clear that I could hear every word from the other side of the room.

I don't know who called that night, but I do know that Eric and I were blown away by God's love for us that He answered our prayer so quickly and so obviously (I'm starting to get a complex now because God has to be so obvious in the ways that He answers my prayers.. remember the billboard). :)

his word . . .

I've talked briefly about how adoption, at times can be heartbreaking. Adoption can sometimes be the result of not being able to have kids naturally or it may just be that you have an ache for the orphans in this world and you are choosing to act on this.

I have to be honest, adoption for me was the first one mentioned. It was my second choice. I hate to admit it, and when people say that I'm such a good person for adopting, I feel extremely guilty. If they only knew the "real" reason behind me adopting, they would think differently. These are still some of the thoughts and guilty feelings that I have not yet conquered, however I now understand that adoption for me, was God's FIRST choice. He saw an opportunity for a couple who desire to have children, and has decided to bless them with their hearts desire. Although we don't have children yet, I have been holding onto God's words and trusting and believing that He will bless us in His perfect time. Below, is a log of dates and verses that have held me up during some of the most difficult times in our adoption process.  I pray that God would use these verses to comfort others who may be going through the same process. Stay strong. Stay confident. Stay faithful.

10/27/10: “I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my   salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken, My salvation and my honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. Oh my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge. From the greatest to the lowliest all are nothing in his sight. If you weigh them on the scales they are lighter than a puff of air. Don’t try to get rich by extortion or robbery. And if your wealth increases, don’t make it the center of your life. God has spoken plainly, and I have heard it many times; Power, O God, belongs to you; unfailing love, O Lord, is yours. Surely you judge all people according to what they have done.”

Psalm 62:5-12

2/1/11: “He gives children to the woman who has none and makes her a happy mother.”

Psalm 113:9

2/2/11: “O LORD, I will honor and praise your name, for you are my God. You do such wonderful things! You planned them long ago, and now you have accomplished them.”

Isaiah 25:1-2

4/16/11: "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you... the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light... “Lift up your eyes and look about you... your sons come from afar, and your    daughters are carried on the hip."

            Isaiah 60:1-5  

5/9/11: “At the time for offering the (evening) sacrifice, Elijah the prophet approached (the  altar) and said, “LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, today let it be known that You are God in Israel and I am Your servant, and that at Your work I have done all these things. Answer me, LORD! Answer me so that this people will know that You, Yahweh, are God and that You have turned their hearts back.” Then Yahweh’s fire fell and consumed the burnt offering, the wood, the stones, and the dust, and it licked up the water that was in the trench. When all the people saw it, they fell face down and said, “Yahweh, He is God! Yahweh, He is God!”

            1 Kings 18:36-39

5/12/11: The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it!

            1 Thessalonians 5:24

Somtimes God uses billboards

God uses the most bizarre ways to get my attention some times. I don't know if that's a good thing or if it just shows how clueless I can be. This particular incident that I am writing about occurred maybe a month or so ago. It was an unusual grey, cold day. The trees were starting to turn green but they weren't quite there yet. I had been inside all day and was dying to get out and just breath in the fresh, crisp air. I had been stuck inside all day and with little to do my mind couldn't help but wander to the thought that we were still waiting for that "change our life" phone call from our adoption agency.

By now, every time my cell phone rang I hoped, no I pleaded that it would be the call from our adoption agency telling us that we had a beautiful baby born and we could go ahead and pack our bags and pick him or her up. However, on this particular day my phone hadn't rang at all. I tried not to keep checking it. In fact, I even left it in the other room because I was so annoyed with how obsessive I  had become with making sure it was within eye sight, and then making sure the volume was up, oh and then checking it to make sure it was turned on.  I was sick of feeling like my child was so far away and all I could do to bring him/her closer to me was literally wait for a phone to ring. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get a break.

So as I left our neighborhood and made my usual way past the post office and the little elementary school I turned left at the light and that's where I saw it. A new billboard, not even a mile away from my house. The billboard read, "You're closer to your child then you think". As I drove past I thought, now that's strange. I don't remember seeing that before. The billboard didn't even have a name or a phone number for an organization or advertisement company. It just had a picture of a lady holding a child with the simple phrase, "You're closer to your child then you think". That billboard has been up now for over a month and I thank God every time I pass it. I don't know why, but every time I read it, it gives me just enough push to continue on.

Thank you Jesus for not giving up on me. You defiantly have my attention, hopefully next time you won't have to use the billboard! 

"no shelly...get out of bed..."

This has happened a few times since we've started the adoption process, when I am completely exhausted and I fall asleep and start having happy dreams that are suddenly interrupted by this feeling that I need to get up and read my bible. It's so weird. Well, this happened to me this morning around 7:00am. I woke up  and just laid there for about 15 minutes trying to get back to sleep. I felt like God was saying, "no shelly... get out of bed and pick up my word. I have something to show you". So silly me, I thought I could hide from God trying to wake me up so I just shrugged it off as my lack of sleep, and didn't listen and instead laid in bed for another miserable 15 minutes staring at the ceiling. After laying there for a half hour total with no success of getting back to sleep, I jumped out of bed and grabbed my Bible. Right now I am studying John and that's what I was planning on reading. However, I opened my Bible and felt I needed to read Isaiah 60. I started reading and was amazed at how God's words just started jumping out of the page at me. I was amazed. Once again, God knew that I needed to hear that particular piece of His word more then I needed sleep. Silly me for not listening the first time. This is what I read:

Isaiah 60:1-5   "Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you... the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light... “Lift up your eyes and look about you... your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the hip."

God knew that before I went to sleep last night I was fighting my own fears about adoption and the thought of how in the world a little white girl from NC was going to find her beautiful baby in this HUGE world. My mind was racing, trying to think of what I needed to do to make myself shine brighter then all the other thousands of adoptive parents out there. This verse touched me, telling me that my light is not cutting it. The light I need can only come from the Lord. God has shined His light on me (and Eric) allowing some brave mom to make her way through the thousands of options for her baby and choose the place where her child is meant to be.

Thank you Jesus for knowing me better then I know myself and for always being my light in the darkness! Please protect the birth mother of our future child as she slowly makes her way toward us. Protect her from Satan's deception and schemes and please, please keep that baby safe.

**So funny story. Another time God woke me up was when we lived in OH. I was in the process of finding a job and felt really down from not having any success so I was trying to hide the sadness with sleeping the day away. Well anyway around 12pm I woke up and tried for a long time to go back to sleep and I just couldn't. So I decided to get up and start my day.  I sat down to do my devotions and opened my Bible (no joke) to Proverbs 6:9-11 which read, "How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest— and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man."  OUCH.. is all I can say to that!! :)

6 months +3 weeks update

So we've hit our 6 month +3 weeks (who's counting.. hehe) waiting mark so I decided to email our agency and get an update. :) Here is what they said:

"Hi Shelly, We are currently working with 4 birth mothers. Two have been matched and two are not quite ready to be matched. I would say that there has been several birth mothers interested in your family. We have even had a few that narrowed it down to you and one other family but ultimately, they chose the other family. Most recently that has been because they wanted a family very close by. We do have more families now who are open to any race. We typically only show 3 to 4 portfolios to any birth mother at one time. If we have even more families who meet her criteria, then we choose only the families based on the length of time they have been waiting. That way, the families who have been waiting longer are given priority. I hope that makes sense. I know the wait is always hard. I hope to have some good news for you soon!"

I was encouraged by this. At least there's interest. :) Happy Friday everyone!

Our Adoption Journey

Wow! Have I really not blogged since September of 2008! Sorry. No wonder people lost hope. Well, I've decided to take a different turn for my blog and I'm wanting to focus more on adoption. I thought about changing the title, but honestly learning to be content is a *H*U*G*E* part of adoption.

My blogs purpose:
1. Timeline for adoption process
2. A way to get information for prospecitve adoptive parents, or people who are just curious how adoption works.
3. A place for you to see a raw, unedited view of how adoption can be an eye opening and heart breaking experience.
4. Update my family and friends who are wondering where we're at and how we're doing.