Intentional community

One of the things, since becoming a mom that I really stink at is being intentional when it comes to community. It's so easy for me to spend the kids nap time blogging, reading, cleaning, cooking, watching television, surfing Facebook... so many things. Not that there is anything wrong with any of these things, however most of them I do alone. Also I should add the disclaimer that there is NOTHING wrong with needing alone, quiet time. Sometimes we fill our plates with so much that we neglect alone time and this can be just as much of a problem.

I've come to realize that God really desires for us to be in community with one another. Many amazing things happen through community. I made a list for myself of why I need community. Maybe this will encourage some of you to be more intention with making friendships.

1. I don't have to carry my burdens alone. When I am vulnerable with one others I lessen my burdens by sharing them with my dear friends who commit to praying for me.

2. I am able to see life's struggles through fresh eyes. Sometimes I tend to make things into a bigger deal than they actually are. When I can honestly share these things with a friend that person may see something that could be helpful that I may have overlooked or didn't think of.

3. We can inspire one another to love and good works. We all have that friend who inspires us to be a better person. With this type of person I usually walk away from my time with them wanting to do more.

4. They keep me humble. This one is the hardest for me. No one likes for other people to know that they aren't really the perfect person they portray themselves to be on their Facebook or Instagram. When I am in community, I open myself up to being vulnerable with my friends and allow myself to be seen for who I really am. Imperfect. This allows for me to receive support and feedback from those who desire for me to be the best person that I can be. It also allows for me to grow as a person and as someone who desires to be more like Jesus.

A verse I love that talks about community is Hebrews 10:24-25:

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another all the more as we see the day drawing nearer." 

Psalm 121:2

Yesterday I had one of those days when you start to wonder, "is this really my life". It started out with me having 30 mins to get two children dressed, fed and in the car for our 20 minute ride to the doctor. Than all craziness broke loose at the doctors office. I ended up holding Rowan in one arm trying to bounce him up and down so he would stop crying and Marlee in the other arm trying to calm her down. The poor doctor just kept right on beat despite my craziness and calmly and very quietly told me that Marlee had an ear infection and I needed to follow these specific steps. Unfortunately, all I heard was Marlee has an ear infection. Anything past that was all screams. I heard nothing else.

We finally made it out of the doctor office (room number 3, to be exact) and went back out to the waiting room. This is when Marlee decided that she needed to be comforted by a complete stranger. She decided to crawl up in this sweet lady's lap, meanwhile I had to pick my jaw up off the floor because my EXTREMELY shy girl was now cuddling with a COMPLETE stranger. After I apologized and told Marlee it was time to go, Marlee of course refused and I had to pry my screaming toddler from the strangers arm all the while Rowan is screaming his sweet little head off in his car seat.

Isn't it funny how God can so easily keep up humble through our children? The poor lady could see the exhaustion and frustration on my face and asked if I needed help, and me being me (stubborn and prideful), declined. So of course on the way out the door Marlee trips and starts the screaming all over again.

Maybe at this point you think I'm being a little dramatic and trying to make the story sound more interesting.. NO. I'm not.

The day continued on with a 20 minute car ride where Rowan screamed THE. ENTIRE. WAY. HOME!!!!! The poor man at Starbucks told me I needed 2 extra shots in my vanilla soy latte..probably because he could hear Rowan screaming in the background.

Needless to say, yesterday was probably one of the worst and hardest days I have had as a parent. The scary thing is, I know there will be more days like it.

To make the day worse, I also had to cancel plans with two good friends that I was looking forward to seeing.

As soon as Eric got home I literally met him at the door with the kids and locked myself in the room upstairs and bawled my little eyes out. It was funny because while I was crying i kept thinking "gosh, i just feel so unprepared and like I have no clue what I'm doing or how I'm going to muster up the courage to do it all over again tomorrow". I told you, kids are such a great way to keep up humble.

Well, I'm here to tell you I made it through. Here I am, almost 24 hours later and God has given me a new strength and the ability to face a new day. A couple weeks ago my friends wrote this verse down for me in my Bible Study and I have come to love it.

"No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven & earth & mountains." Psalm 121:2

I love it because it pretty much sums up how I am physically able to continue on. It's not because of my own strength or ability, it's because of God. Oh and I love the last part where they make sure that you remember that this is the same God who made the heaven, earth and mountains. So in case you may think, he's not qualified to provide that type of strength, think again. He made the heaven, earth and mountains, so I'm pretty sure He's got you covered! :) 

Generosity

Sorry I have been missing the last few weeks. Just to be honest, the blog is going to be taking the back burner for a little while so that I can be 100% present for Rowan and Marlee. Every once in a while I get lucky and their naps will coincide and normally that's my time to vent out all my ramblings. However, these past few weeks, nap time has turned into either me sitting on the couch staring at the wall wandering how such a tiny person can make such a HUGE impact or me sprinting around the house trying to finish different tasks before one of the kids makes a peep. Let's just be honest, the last few days it's been more of the first one.  :) Multiple kids is exhausting, ya'll. Phew...

I wanted to share one of the things that the Lord has been teaching me lately.  That is the lesson of generosity. Since we have been back from FL with Rowan I have literally had my calendar PACKED full with ladies who want to take time out of their busy schedules to bless us with food, gifts, or fellowship. I have literally been flabbergasted! At first I was like, aw.. this is nice that people are doing all this special stuff for us, but now going on week 3, ladies are STILL coming over to drop off food or just to stop in because they know that motherhood can be lonely. Ya'll this has totally been my "wow" moment. It's struck something deep within me bringing to the surface that I am just not that generous.

I have had so many friends get married, have babies, move to a new house, get a new job... tons of special celebrations and I celebrated with them, but mostly within my comfort zone. Meaning, if it was convenient and didn't hurt too much than I was good. I would stick within my comfortable amount for gifts, make sure that my time wasn't too effected and honestly, sometimes even overlook the person and their celebrations all together, claiming that I was too busy, didn't know them well enough or whatever other justification I could come up with. I have missed so many opportunities to bless others solely because of my selfishness.

I just wanted you all to know that if you have made us food, bought us food, bought us clothes, diapers, toys, blankets, wipes, or come over and hung out with us despite my two year old whining and my baby boy crying, I want to say thank you. Thank you for driving at rush hour 40 minutes from your house to come in and sit on my floor and talk about life. You have really touched my heart and been a part of God teaching me that I need to be more generous with my money, time, and talents. I'm so grateful that we get to do life together.

Rowan Ryan, you are so worth it

**I'm just going to warn you. It's 4am, so this post may be slightly more sarcastic than my usual.

Right now I am about chest eyeball deep in the baby do's and don'ts . For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about let me enlighten you. Or maybe there are some of you who are choosing to block this terrible confusing time period out of your life. If this is you, let me remind you. :)

The other day after I took Rowan to the doctor I was explaining to Eric how confusing doctors advice can be during the newborn years of a child's life. For example one piece of advice he so kindly gave.

My question: When do I need to give him more formula? (That's a good question, right?)
His response: Oh this is an easy one to answer. He'll let you know when he wants more. Insert my sleep deprived glare at the doctor and jaw dropping, "seriously, that didn't answer my question at all" look. Last time I checked Rowan doesn't talk, so how is he going to "let me know"? Oh you mean by his crying? Well, that's going to be a little difficult because little man cries about 18 out of 24 hours. Guess that means he's REALLY hungry.

Some of the other very helpful (not really) things I've read lately are all the differing opinions of techniques and theories on how to properly care for your newborn. Here are a few examples.

1. Don't let your baby cry. If you do, your child will possibly loose part of their brain development, have ADHD as a child and not bond with you. VS. Let your child cry. This will allow them to self soothe and be happier babies overall. You on the other hand may loose your mind from their crying, but at least they'll eventually be sleeping through the night.

2. Don't lay your baby on their stomach. This will cause them to suffocate and possibly die. VS. Babies should spend most of the day on their bellies. This is great for muscle development and the shaping of their head.

3. Don't swaddle your baby. They need space to  stretch out and use their muscles. How would you like to be confined 24 hours a day. VS. Make sure to swaddle your baby. They need a barrier that prevents them from shredding their face with their newborn razor sharp nails.

4. Don't overfeed your baby. VS. You can't overfeed the baby. Forget their GIANT stomach, they will let you know when they are done eating. Okay, I've mentioned this twice. Obviously, you can tell this is something I still just don't get.

5. Don't hold your baby for too long. This will cause your baby to become totally dependent on you and turn into the adult child. You know, the one who lives in their parents basement. VS. You can't hold your baby too much. This is how you bond with your child and they need to feel comforted by your touch. Forget the fact that you can't get anything done. So go ahead and clear your schedule for the next 3 years because you are considered BUSY.

So in all seriousness now some of the best advice that I got before we had Marlee came from my sweet college roommate, Annie. She said, "A lot of people are going to give you their opinions whether you want them or not. So, just take some and leave some. Your the mom and you know what's best for your baby and family".

Well, some how 1:30am turned into 4am, so like everyone says, I should probably go sleep while the baby sleeps. Or maybe not. Maybe I should stay awake when he sleeps so that I can watch his every move and start learning his sleep behaviors which will help me further on down the road. Grr... I think I'll sleep.

Rowan's Story Part 1

Most of you know that for the last 6 months Eric and I had been actively pursuing adoption through the foster care system. After inquiring about nearly 100 children (seriously, I have all the records) we started to get really weary. We knew this was a need and honestly our search criteria was pretty open as far as age, race, gender, sibling groups, medical, physical, developmental needs. Although we were open, we weren't getting ANYTHING. Occasionally a social worker would email us back saying we're sorry this child has already been placed or due to the age of the child in your home, we feel this would not be a good placement. We were just down right sad and extremely frustrated. 

On our way to Indiana for Thanksgiving we were praying asking God to show us which path we should take. With adoption, there are so many different avenues and unfortunately with all the paperwork you kind of have to pick which avenue and push forward in that specific direction. Since we didn't feel a specific call to a county we were pretty sure that Domestic Adoption was our path. We also, didn't necessarily want a baby and knew there was a need for older child/sibling group adoption, so that's how we came to our decision to adopt through the foster care system. With all the rejection we had received we started to wonder if we had picked the right avenue and even thought that maybe this was God's way of saying we shouldn't adopt again. 

A quick back story. In September while we were in the middle of all the rejection letters from social workers. We were both feeling pretty discouarged and so unsure what exactly God wanted us to do. One day as I was reading my devotions, I read "The Lord will FIGHT for you, you have only to be silent.". So of course me being the dense person that I can be at times didn't fully grasp this statement and I actively continued to seek out child after child after child, only to be rejected once again. If only I knew back than what I know now. God was literally wanting me to be silent, not just my voice but my actions. He was fighting on my behalf and on our sweet Rowan's behalf. He was orchestrating and interweaving the lives of two completely different famlies who would forever be connected by one sweet little boy. 

Well once we arrived in Indiana, the day before Thanksgiving to be exact, Eric and I ALMOST had our worlds rocked. We received a text from a sweet friend saying that a baby girl had been born the day before and they needed a family for her. Long story short, they ended up placing her with another family and although we were very disappointed the lawyer told us of another baby that was going to be born in January. She didn't know the gender, but knew that the baby was in desperate need of a family.

After not hearing from the lawyer for several weeks we decided to reach out to her and find out if this baby was still in need of a home. The lawyer told us she was still working with the Birth mom and would get back to us with more details. Once again we didn't hear anything for several more days, than on December 11th the lawyer called back saying she had been in contact with the birth mom and she was still wanting to move forward with the adoption. She told us that she needed a commitment THAT day whether or not we were wanting to move forward with this adoption. This also meant putting forth a large amount of money, knowing that if the mom changed her mind, it would be lost. Coincidentally, this was also the SAME day that Eric came home EXCLAIMING that he had gotten a promotion at work. Coincidence??? No way! 

So after lots of prayer on December 11th we agreed to move forward and committed our portion of money that was needed for the adoption. 

Rowan Ryan

I have been slightly consumed with our newest addition, Rowan Ryan that I haven't had a chance to post anything for a while. I promise to start back up once we get a few days with our new little one under our belt. :)

For your viewing pleasure. :) 

I've got Jesus

So about 6-9 months or so ago Jesus and I had one of those make it or break it moments. I remember sitting in the back of church and looking out over the sea of people and thinking, "I have done this all my life. Come to church, sat through worship, listened to the preacher. Repeat for 30 years.". I mean from the time I was born, no conceived (I'm a preachers kids) I have heard about Jesus... literally ALL.OF. MY. LIFE!

For some reason this particular day I had just had enough. I was sick of church. I was sick of everyone getting dressed up and all of us filling an empty warehouse where we would sing some songs, smile at one another (if we accidentally made eye contact) and than leave and not be changed. I was sick of pretending like we all loved this Man who died for our sins, yet we still had no clue how to tell others about Him. I was sick of having to go through a 5 step plan on how to lead someone to Christ, when in reality, if we truly believed what said we did, we wouldn't need anything.  Just.Plain. Sick.Of.It.All!!!

So I went to this women's conference where Elise Fitzpatrick spoke and the things she said ROCKED my world. She spoke about Grace. Something I had heard growing up in the church, but I guess never fully understood. The way that she talked about her relationship with Jesus seemed so real. Not like mine, which was full of guilt and the feeling like God was always angry or disappointed with me. Or the feeling like at some point in the day I was probably going to spontaneously combust for not doing my devotions or praying.

I realized that I had made God/Jesus into this Big, Angry, Scary guy who cared less about me and in fact took pleasure in seeing me fail. I realized that I had heard the stories about Jesus all my life, but never truthfully believed them.

Now fast forward to today and things are so different. For once in my life I actually wake up in the morning with the desire to spend time with Jesus. It's honestly my favorite part of the whole day (plus it's nap time, which let's just be honest, that in and of itself is awesome). I've made one end of my kitchen table kind of my devotion area. I have pens, sparkly gel pens, post its, a journal, my Bible, and a couple books that I keep there. It's the perfect area that helps keep my mind free from wandering.

Another thing I've realized about myself during this seeking time period, is that when I don't have Jesus, I am a really cynical, overly sarcastic, non compassionate, negative person. I remember back six months ago I would look out among the people who were worshipping in church and I would think, "hm.. I wonder what that person is really like?". In fact, my cynicism even stopped myself from truly worshipping, because I was so worried that people would think I was a hypocrite if they saw me raising my hands. But now, to put it bluntly. I just don't care. I am not a perfect person in any way, but Jesus is way more important and if I can't allow myself to feel comfortable by raising my hands in a worship environment than what would I do if someone ever asked me about Him in another environment.

Anyway, I know this is a lot of different thoughts kind of jumbled up into one big post. Just wanted to share with you what Jesus has been doing in my life. :)

Encouraging friends who have adopted.

The other night I read an article from a popular blogger/speaker talking about how to help your friends after they've adopted. Kind of like a once the baby is home, than what do we do type of thing. I was really exited about this article because I know sometimes people who adopt may not get the same support from family or friends as those who have babies naturally. *Side note: I was SO blessed to have family/friends who POURED out love on us. Seriously. I didn't have to buy diapers until Marlee was about 7 months old. Even doctors who didn't know us were sending us diapers and wipes in the mail because they had heard of our story. Here's a picture of Marlee's first Christmas. Needless to say, you can see that this baby girl is so treasured and loved. :)

Can you see little Mar in the middle of all that?!

So back to the article. An adoption pet peeve of mine is when people create too many rules for those who are only curious about this wonderful thing we call adoption.  I felt like the article gave a list of do's and don'ts for when your friends adopt and it was just too overwhelming. Even overwhelming for me, and I'm the one who has already adopted. I'm not saying that the author didn't have some good points, because she did. I just felt overwhelmed and honestly if it were me, I would feel like I was sitting on pins and needles while talking to friends who have already been through the process. I would be terrified that if I asked a question I would instantly be considered insensitive and SO unaware of children who are in need of a home. 

So here is a real life story for you. :) People are so curious about trans-racial adoptions. The other day in the drive thru at Starbucks this lady with a perky little smile on her face looked at me, than at Mar in the back seat and asked, "Oh, are you babysitting today?" Now, I KNOW this would have sent some of you to jail. You would have grabbed her little black apron and wound her up in it so tight that her head would have popped off. (Not that I was imaging doing that.. gosh that was really detailed) However, we need to extend grace. My motto regarding adoption has always been, "Don't Hate, Educate"! Educate her on adoption. This is your time to shine and tell her a little of your story. Plus, I've come to realize that people who ask such stupid blunt questions usually feel pretty stupid silly as you're explaining to them about the fact that your baby in the backseat is actually YOUR child. Just a natural consequence. 

So anyway, here are just a few tips from silly ole me.. you know, the one whose life motto is, DON'T HATE, EDUCATE!  

**If you are a friend of an adoptive mama or papa. Just ask them how they are doing. I know it may be awkward, but just ask. Tell them you are praying for them than actually do it. We need people standing with us pleading on our behalf. (This was one of the parts mentioned in the article that I couldn't agree with more). 

**If you are the adoptive mama or papa. Please show your friends, family, strangers GRACE. I know there are stupid people out there. But for the most part, they aren't the ones asking you the questions. It's really easy to allow yourself to become offended to the point where anything people say offends you. Don't become this. Trust me. Make sure your friends know that you are open to answering their questions. You are the expert and it's up to you to share with them. This doesn't mean that you have to share with everyone all the nitty gritty of your child's story, because I know some of these things are private. However, I think we could all learn to be a little more honest with people, letting them in to some of these more stingy ouchie kind of events. Learn to laugh. I could have been mad because of the lady at Starbucks, instead I just laughed. Marlee knows that she's mine. So by some lady asking me in the Starbucks line if I'm babysitting, this won't be the first time Marlee has thought about adoption. It won't be the first time she's aware of someone looking at us assuming we aren't related. In fact, my hope is that one day she'll speak up before I get the chance to. Explaining her beautiful story about how she became ours.  :)

2013... you were a good year

Here are a few highlights from the year (these are in no order at all).  2014 has a lot to live up to! I already know it's going to be great!! :) 

Sold a house. Bought a new house. NYC. Dominated high ropes course. GA. Three Personal Training Sessions. Revolution. The beach. Sweet Indiana. Started adoption process again. Marlee turned two. Eric got a promotion. WA. STARBUCKS. New small group. Tried Indian food. Draw Something. Chicago Fire. Started running. New friends. Pool. TURNED 30. Welcomed a new nephew. TN twice in one year. STARBUCKS. Adoption paper work. Home improvements. Lots of dogs barking. New iPhones. Weekly dates with an amazing friend. Lost thirty five pounds. Mar started preschool. Family visited. Dr appts. Ikea. Parenthood. Ticket to Ride.  Mar's ear surgery. Two throat biopsies. Sleigh ride. STARBUCKS. Target. First pair of real running shoes. Charlotte. Office Series Finale.

Ephesians 3:20-21

I read this Monday and felt like I wasn't the only one who may need to hear it. We are all waiting on something and will be until the day we meet our sweet Jesus.

"I am able to do far beyond all you ask or imagine. Come to ME with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask MY spirit to control your mind so that you can think great thoughts of ME. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon ME, to trust ME in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see MY power and glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying  try to view them as setting the scene for MY glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."  Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

God is working on some pretty big things for Eric and I right now. This was a great reminder that I need to come to Him with POSITIVE EXPECTATIONS, knowing that there is no limit to what He can accomplish. It's easy for me to acknowledge that God can accomplish all things, but not actually believe that He can. Does that make sense? I pray that God gives me the faith to believe that HE can accomplish so much more than I can even fathom. 

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Slow down

Tuesday morning started out just like all our other mornings. We all wake up, I get dressed and get Marlee dressed. Than I usually pick up toys or clothes off the floor upstairs before going downstairs. This particular morning we had TONS of stuff all over the place from our recent trip and from Christmas. I was busy running around putting things away and also texting and checking email. I sat down for a few minutes and finished sending a couple texts and Facebook messages. Before I knew it we had been upstairs for almost 2 hours. This is when it happened. Marlee came over to me and started saying "cuddle" "cuddle" "cuddle". This is her code word for I want to jump on your bed! I told her just a minute for the next 30 minutes. Eventually she sat on the floor and just started sobbing. I realized than that from the time she woke up until right than I hadn't even hardly interacted with her. Sure we brushed our teeth together and picked up laundry, but I hadn't even taken the time to get down on her level and hug her.

I always thought as a stay at home mom that I would be able to accomplish so much. All you stay at home moms will laugh at this. I literally thought this is going to be my time when I'll finally feel complete. I'll have my hair done, clothes perfected, make up on, nails painted, legs shaved. It's funny because I haven't shaved my legs in about 2 months. No really. Ask my husband. :)

Today was my reminder that texts, Facebook, laundry, cleaning all of these things are second to time with my sweet girl. It breaks my heart to think of the day that she starts acting like me. Too busy to even stop and give her mama a hug. Maybe if I put in the time with her now, it will take her longer to get to that point.

This was last year. She seems so tiny!!

Tennessee

I'm telling ya, Tennessee is my second home. Every year my family meets in TN and my parents rent a cabin big enough for 8 adults and 6 kids.  Usually it's at least 5 bedrooms and consists of a game room, TVs galore, and at least one hot tub overlooking the BEAUTIFUL mountains. Although it can be crazy having that many people under one room, I love it!

I'm so grateful for parents who have made it their priority to invest in their family. My parents have always encouraged us (my brother, sister and I) to have good relationships with each another. They packed us up hundreds of times as kids to head off to another family vacation. Sure there were times as a teenager that I would have rather spent time with friends, but I am so, so grateful that they didn't allow this to deter them. Now as adults my siblings and our families can't get enough time together. This is why when we're together we stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning talking or laughing.

I hope you all have had a Happy New Year! :)